Would You Like Size With That?

BY Nghiem Tran

Come on. Hurry up. How long does it take to order fast food? The menu was there the whole time you were in line. You don’t wait till you reach the counter. I should go behind that guy, he’s holding a coupon, he has to order that. Oh wait. She’s decided. God, at least have your purse ready. Did you think you weren’t going to need it? Thought you’d assess the food quality under the heat lights first? She’s going. I’m up. I’ve got the ten dollars in my hand.

“Hi. I’ll have a regular burger meal thanks.” Hold out the note. She’s not reaching for it, she isn’t ready, pull it back. “Would you like that upsized for an extra fifty cents?” “What?” Oh, I forgot about that. Did I really date Psychotic Hippie for that long? “Upsize. Larger chips and dr–” “Yeah, yeah. I remember now.”

Fifty cents extra. Makes it six twenty-five. Burger is the same. Just more chips and drink. Board says if I buy the chips and drink on their own the difference between the medium and large chips is sixty cents. And for the drink it’s forty cents. Together that’s a dollar difference that I get for fifty cents. So I’m saving fifty cents. But then I’m spending fifty cents more than I planned. Anyway, I can’t look at it like that. The price reduction already happens when they sell it as a package. Gotta compare the two package sizes.

What’s it matter? It’s just fifty cents. Still that’s about ten per cent extra, no, less. Fifty divided by six twenty-five. Erm. Divide both by five, that’s ten by one twenty-five, then both by ten, that’s one divided by twelve point five. Shift the decimal to the right by two, remember to return it later. Twelvish goes into one hundred. Erm. Nine twelves are one-oh-eight. Too high. Eight twelves are ninety-six. Close. Eight thirteens are one-oh-four. That’s about right. It was twelve point five anyway. So one divided by twelve point five is about point eight. No that can’t be right, point eight of twelve is about ten. Oh yeah, I had to return two decimal places. Point zero eight. Eight percent. Fifty cents of six dollars twenty-five is about eight perc–

“Sir!” “Hmm?” “You’re holding up the queue.” “Oh sorry. I’ll have the, er,” Eight percent more. Do I really want more chips and dr– “Did you want the upsize or not?!” “No!” Relax girl, Manager’s frowning at you now. “Regular size then.”

What are you groaning and looking at your boss for?

“Sir. We have a special on the soft serve. Free flake with every cone for thirty cents.” “Ooh flake! Yes please.”