Sir Paul vs Sir Mick

BY Ray Edgar

Like Coke and Pepsi, the Rolling Stones and the Beatles are simple matters of taste. Certainly the perennial boomer polls that elicit spontaneous one-word reflex actions suggest it. But in the spirit of competition – hey, what else does that ‘vs’ in Beatles vs Stones mean? – a scorecard might offer a fairer means to distinguish the two teams. That way, anyone on the sidelines over the last few decades, who wonders what the fuss is about and what gives with that persistent blip on the cultural radar, can properly gauge their merits?

Of course, purists and pedants will point to the sheer pointlessness of such an exercise (while relishing the fantastic opportunity both to display their wealth of knowledge and expose the exercise for the sham it is). Beatles fans will point to easy point scoring available to them since the final whistle blew for the Fab Four in 1970. How can one band, the Rolling Stones, score so many own goals? they jeer. (“Sucking in the 70s” being more a presentiment for later decades’ output). Yet, as you will no doubt discover, it’s never that easy to determine who is better and what, if any, advantage exists. Fans, anthropologists and managers have been trying to nut this out for years.

If originality is your yardstick, then the Stones are the Pepsi of their generation, slightly improving a pop formula. But as one looks back on the rivalry, did they really distinguish themselves beyond the crude branding exercises marked early on with that dirty/clean dialectic (uniform hair and suits vs Carnaby Street dishevelment)? I submit the following equally crude analogies:

Working class pretensions: Scouser vs Cockney Received wisdom: skiffle vs blues 50s 45s: Holly/Berry vs Holly/Berry Early influences: Mary-Jane vs Mother’s little helpers Collateral damage: Pete Best vs Ian Stewart Faithful girlfriends: Cynthia vs Marianne Band issues: Yoko vs Bianca Shonky tonk: “Rocky Racoon” vs “Country Honk” Religious calling: Bigger than Jesus vs Call me Lucy Fur RIP: John Lennon vs Brian Jones RSVP: Magical Mystery Tour vs Satanic Majesty’s Request Auteurism: Jean-Luc Godard vs Richard Lester Popism: Peter Blake vs Robert Brownjohn/Andy Warhol Protest songs: “Revolution” vs “Street Fighting Man” Bathroom aesthetic: White Album vs Beggar’s Banquet Championship events: LSD vs cocaine/heroin Establishment recognition: Sir Paul vs Sir Mick Final resting place: 1970 rooftop vs 2006 roofless stadia

But wait, there must be more…